My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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