Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
