Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
