Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
vagina is talking i cant
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize