Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
