she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
