Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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