she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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