in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
