Small penises have feelings too.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
