East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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