ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
