tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
