I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
