So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
