Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
