i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
