I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
