i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm passing your future prison.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
