shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She swung at the pinata with crutches
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
