Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize