I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
