I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
