Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
