Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
