Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
is wine microwaveable?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
