Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
