Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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