yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
