Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
