That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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