you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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