Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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