You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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