I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
