I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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