Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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