you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
