dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
