oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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