ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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