He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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