Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
