She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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