If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
