my mouth tastes like poor choices
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
