We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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