shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
