so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
