dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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