someone threw a dead crab at me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
