dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize