I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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