I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
