i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
