She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
