There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
