So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
