she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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