Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
