my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
