I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
