I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
