Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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