There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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