i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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