I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
